And so begins Phase III.

Phase 2 was kind of a bust for me. Rather than lose weight I gained some of it back, some but not all, that’s what I keep reminding myself. So I am recommitting, now is the time, bla bla bla.In the mean time, my jaw is currently mucho screwed up, which means most days all I can really eat is yogurt and soup, maybe this will turn out to be a great diet and then I’ll win, that would be awesome, or at least lemonade out of the lemon that is currently my jaw.

So bring it on, let’s be thin by new years!

The good kind of pain?

I am sore like woah, it's a good thing I work upstairs and am up and down them all day, wait, I reversed that.

On Wednesday I went to http://thedaileymethod.com/. They just opened a new location 3 blocks from my house and I figured if there was a worthwhile class walking distance from my house then there was no excuse. And I've only heard good things about it; people say you can really see the difference. I can see why, if it really is going to tone all the muscles I am newly aware of thanks to the pain, then I should be rip, roaring hott in no time. The class was hard and really pushed my muscles hard, but I think I will still need to supplement with cardio on my own (and stop eating ice cream). I'm putting two days between class one and class two so hopefully I don't die, I hope to do it more frequently than that. It's really what I've been looking for in terms of something that will strengthen and increase flexability like yoga will without out all the meditating.

Here's to kicking it up a notch.

What defines a transformation?

I started thinking about this because one of my favorite websites (modcloth.com) is running a contest about blogging about transformation, which I am already kind of doing (http://blog.modcloth.com/2009-07-09-announcing-the-terrific-transformations-contest?=6_9_transformations), and as much as I would love to win the cashola, I thought it would make a good blog entry anyways.

So what is my greatest transformation.

Dictionary.com has the following definition:

1. the act or process of transforming.
2. the state of being transformed
3. change in form, appearance, nature, or character.



As the first two are kind of self-defining, let’s go with number three. Looking at just change in form and appearance, than maybe this contest is my biggest transformation. Not only does my body look different but it has forced me to dress differently as well. I like to think it’s because I’m trying to be more girly but the truth lies somewhere between that intent and the fact that none of my pants fit. As the weight came off I began to be a bit more daring with my fashion choices, things that make you stand out rather than blend in; my green polk-a-dot dress decidedly does not blend in, neither do the feathers. It feels kind of superficial to define my greatest transformation as I lost a lot of weight though. Moving on, or maybe moving in, does my greatest transformation then become the lessons I learned from dating an asshole in college, or from spending time in Croatia? I feel like I’m still in the middle of my greatest transformation. I’m still learning far too much about myself, what I want to do and who I want to be; the person I am today is still evolving into the person I’m going to be tomorrow, next year, at twenty-ten (shudder), anything is possible.

It;'s time to get neurotic again

I am a slacker, I admit it.

I made this great push with round 1, did great, and now I'm doing nothing. I'm not gaining the weight back, but I'm also not losing weight. I am frustrated with myself. I know I can do it if I just buckle down, but I have had so much else going on that I haven't made it a priority, and I know I should and that I need to. Traveling and boys and being sick are just excuses, and I can't keep making them.

So here are my resolutions:

1) I will put EVERYTHING in fitday.com - If I can get obsessive about entering things in again I will eat better.

2) I will work out at least 5 days a week.

3) I will not beat myself up about feeling like a cow, I will just work harder.

4) If I have to obsess about how weird boys are, the treadmill is the perfect place to do it.

5) I will not stress/emotional eat.

6) No more desserts, except for cake on my birthday.

7) I will start doing yoga again, I miss being bendy.

My Longest Relationship

As the people in my life come and go, my relationship with food has been a constant. I know it needs to change, but old habits die hard.

I know I use food as a crutch, as something to quell the anxiety. Maybe it's becuase food is always the same, and there is something comforting about that. A taco is a taco, and it will continue to be a taco, smothered in guacamole goodness. It will always bring me a moment of joy no matter how crazy life gets. On a bad day when nothing is going my way and I have to pick between a salad that is good for me or a taco I know I love, I go to the taco every time. I wish I was one of those people who turn to exercise when stressed or frustrated, those people that have a bad day and can just run it off, instead I turn to food. This has to change, it's not the right attitude to have.

Everything I read says to think of food as fuel for your body, and that's it. That mentality handles the emotional eating, but I feel like this disregards the social aspect of eating though, because that is another whole issue. Dates, friends, even business meetings, all seem to focus around food, going out and getting a meal, socializing over coffee and scones. Often when I "diet" I feel like my social life suffers because I don't want to test my will power by agreeing to eat at places like California Pizza Kitchen where I can see all the yummy pizzas and avocado egg rolls but have to limit myself to a small salad, there is no fun in that. So do I offer to start cooking for everyone? That's a lot of work and can get pricy, plus I hate doing dishes.

So where does this leave me? I have no idea, I know I need to change, but I'm not in love with the solution yet.

Who's idea was this?

And why is typing to very hard?

I am a wreck, I very clearly need more sleep than this. This weekend was kind of epic in a number of ways, including epic diet/work out fail. I don't think strawberry sangira and seven layer dip are on the list of foods to eat if you want to lose weight, but they are oh so tasty. There was also very little sleeping this weekend which has me all screwed up. Then there is the fact that someone, I don't think it was me, decided that swimming at 6 AM this morning was a good idea, so good in fact that we are going to try to do it for the rest of the summer. Here's hoping 6 AM becomes a less painful time, somehow I don't think it will.

I've been having a hard time getting back on the diet horse. I have one excuse after another, oh I'm going on a date, oh we're having a BBQ, oh Dan's coming to town just to get burgers; I need to stop making excuses and just suck it up and utilize a little will power.

I am Augustus Gloop

At least I am stuck like him.

You all remember that scene right? Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, and not the Johnny Depp version, Augustus has fallen into the chocolate river only to be sucked up the large pipe where he becomes thoroughly wedged in the pipe and the oompa loompas sing about how fat and greedy he is.

I feel like I am wedged in the same 2 pounds. Up 2, down 2, up 2, down 2. It's getting quite old. I can only hope that as Augustus finally unstuck and went shooting up the pipe, so will my weight go shooting down. I may have to give up the tacos for that to happen, at somepoint I will stop saying next week.

The point of a blog is to write about you life.

So while this may not be entirely weight loss related, it is in a larger sense of things. So talking about my insecurities is hard, but most of you that read this are family, or might as well be, so I hope you’ll love me anyways.

Most of the time I am happy with who I am and what I look like. That wasn’t always the case. High school was hard, as it is for most people; I was surrounded by tiny girls that dated up a storm and I generally always felt inadequate.

Then I took this low opinion of myself to college. Eventually I found myself in a relationship that was good for the most part, until it wasn’t. Looking back, I know I stayed in it because I was afraid that if I broke up with him I wouldn’t find anyone else. In the end, it was pretty ugly, but when it was finally over I realized how much the relationship had only been reinforcing my insecurities. Then and there I decided I deserved better. Through that and an amazing group of friends, I learned that I can say “I’m awesome and any guy would be lucky to have me just as I am” and really mean it. And yes, I would like to lose weight and be thinner, but if that doesn’t happen, life will still be great.

This week I have found myself slipping back into my old, self doubting habits. I have a date on Saturday, and in my head it’s a pretty big date. All of the other dates I’ve been on have been with people I don’t already know and don’t have a pre-existing friendship with, guys who I know that if the date doesn’t go well, I never have to see them again. This date is pretty much the opposite of that, we currently hang out a lot, and it’s a given that the hanging out will continue even if the dating part of things doesn’t. Given that I was the one that finally said “let’s have dinner” the running commentary in my head has been something like “why in the world does he want to have dinner with you?” And my friends can say “because you are amazing” until they are blue in the face and deep down I know they are right, but there will always be that voice in the back of my head screaming the doubts.

Sometimes I wonder if the quest to be the “perfect” size only reinforces those doubts.

Sorry I didn't know the rules ...

I've just been informed that the number one rule of blogs is blog. And I've had good intentions to blog this week, I just haven't. I also had goo intentions to eat right and work out a lot, that didn't really happen either. We had a rather large event at work yesterday and I've been super busy trying to get videos and thank you gifts and flowers and all sorts of other things ready for it. And while I would like to say that I was totally prepared for this, that I had gone to trader joes and bought stuff to make salads and that I was super conscious of not stress eating, that's just not what happened. This week has been more like busy busy crazy oh taco busy cookie crazy 20 min of Jillian shower sleep repeat.

Now that the event it over, no more excuses. Game On!

A New Goal Dress

2 entries in one day, what is the world coming to?


On a cleaning expedition my mother found this.


She has declared it my new goal.

I have a few issues with this.

a) I wore this in middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL!! I had no real girls then, I mean I had some, but they are never going to be that size again, they are not going to fit into this dress

b) This dress is so short it barely covers the goods. I hope it covered them back then.

c) This dress screams early 90's quite loudly. This dress should never see the light of day. I would not be seen in public in this dress, so this dress cannot be my goal.


I offer up an alternative. Now this dress is pretty. This dress is completely appropriate for Peter's Wedding. Not only can I dress this up or down, and wear it with farm appropriate shoes. This dress is so much more my style. It is fun and flirty and a little bit different. I so rarely hide behind plain black anymore. I think all the dresses I wore to semi formals and formals in high school and middle school were all black or very dark with very few exceptions. Now I have nothing against the perfect little black dress. They will be classic for ever and a day, but they don't strike me as fun. I feel a goal dress needs to be a bit showy, something that says look at me, look at how freaking hard I've worked, look how freaking hott I am. Yes I know black is slimming and and flattering and bla bla bla. For a goal dress; go big or go home.

I may need a new set of legs

'Cause mine are so not happy with me.

I did day 1 of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred on sat and walked 6 miles and change with mommykins on Sunday, it's a good thing I don't spend all day going up and down stairs, oh wait...

So Jillian is kicking my butt, I realize that is the point, but still, it has been a long long time since I have been quite this sore. The whole theory of the video is if you are only going to work out for 20 minutes a day, they are going to be a freaking hard 20 minutes. There are 3 levels, you are supposed to work your way though them, hypothetically over 30 days. Each level consists of a warm up, then 3 rounds of 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, 1 minute of abs, then a cool down. If this shapes up my arms it will all be worth it. The only things you need in addition to the dvd are hand weights. My goal is to do it every day for the next 30 and add additional cardio in maybe every other day, wish me luck, I'm definitely going to need it.

And thus my first goal slinks away in shame

 It's been all of ONE DAY, and already I have failed at the post something every day goal.  This does not bode well for the future of this blog.

I never thought I would see this day, the one where eating healthy was something I wanted more than something I just new I should do, now just to hit that day with running. I wish I could like it, I wish it didn't bore me to tears. Even with music after 20 minutes I am bored out of my skull and watching my mom's blinds bop up and down in my peripheral vision has generally made me cross eyed.

OK, running play list:

- You're the One I Want in the next episode - Grease vs. Dr. Dre
- You're Gonna Go Far Kid - Offspring
- We're not Gonna take it - Twisted Sister
- We built this city - Jefferson Starship
- Waterloo - ABBA
- Walkin' Out Yo Girlfriend - Unk vs. Avril Lavigne vs. Toni Basil
- Tequila Lip Gloss - Lil Mama vs. The Champs
- Teenagers - My Chemical Romance
- Summer of 69 - MXPX
- Stop! - Against Me
- Single Ladies (In Mayberry) - Bootie
- Shake Your Tail Feather - Ray Charles
- Shake Your Groove thing - Peaches and Herb
- Sgt. Pepper's Paradise - Beatles vs. Guns and Roses
- Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon
- Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy - Big & Rich
- The Power - Snap!
- Party Kisser - Bootie
- One Way or Another - Blondie
- Me and Julio Down by the School Yard - Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies
- Jenny Says - Cowboy Mouth
- If you want blood - AC/DC
- I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry
- I Believe in a thing called love - The Darkness
- Here it goes again - Ok Go
- Goonies are Good Enough - Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies
- Gonna Make U Sweat - C+C Music Factory
- Eye of the Tiger - Rocky Soundtrack
- Dont Stop the Beat - Junior Senior
- Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
- Don't Stop Believing - Journey
- Does Your Mother Know - ABBA
- Devil's Dance Floor - Flogging Molly
- Detox - Amy Winehouse vs. Britney Spears
- Black Horse and a Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
- Black Beatles - Beatles vs. Black Eyed Peas
- Love Shack - B52s
- Anyway you want it - Journey
- A-Punk - Vampire Weekend

Most of these you can find on itunes, anything labeled bootie or with a vs. is a mashup from the bootie website.  If you have questions about where to find one, let me know.

The Horrid Befores.

Nobody, and I really mean nobody, likes their before picture. No one wants to take it, no one wants to look at it, I really want to print mine out and burn them, and maybe when I hit my ultimate goal I will do just that. But here's why I think they are important; my visual memory is horrible, especially with things I see every day, like myself. I know for a fact I have lost weight and that I am smaller than I was in January, but in general, I still look at myself and feel like I am always the same and still need to loose more. The whole memory thing is bad enough that if I shaved my head today, tomorrow I would probably be startled by a picture of me with hair. So having the concrete, side by side evidence is really helpful. Now I have gone so far as to post my horrid before online for the world to see, you don't have to do that, but take one and hide it away and bring it out on days where you still feel like an elephant despite all the progress you've made.

Raise your hand if you fit into your Sr. Prom Dress

This is what happens when I go home when I've lost weight, my mother makes me try on all the dresses in my old bedroom closet. So TA DA!


Also, I did an updated normal shot, and may I never have to look at the 1/1/09 shot again, cuase wow do I not like that.
From here on out I think photos may come on Foto Friday.

A Hiatus and Cupcakes

So if you are reading this blog, you were probably a part of the Biggest Loser Challenge that Maureen and I set up; either that or you know me and for some reason you want to read about my quest to shed some weight and get in rockstar shape.

For those of you that don't have the basics, here's the short version.

-I've just finished a 4 month weight loss competition.
-I've lost 32 lbs (for those of you with my %, you can do the math, I don't really care)
-I worked my butt off.
-I'm taking a few days off from thinking about everything I eat.
-Round 2 starts next Thursday and goes until the beginning of September.
-My mother declared that some one should keep a daily blog of round two with before and after pictures. So here is said blog.


Now for the bloggy narrative portion of this entry.

Round one finished yesterday with final results announced this morning. Yours truly won by all of 0.2% or something like that. So I'm kind of stoked about that, plus the money is nice. :) Yesterday I ate all the things I have been craving for the last few months but haven't really eaten, tacos, pasta, and sprinkles red velvet cupcake. I think I am still full :) It was interesting to discover just how much my body was like WTF is all of this, I want a salad. So I guess that's a good sign that this is a life style change and not just a diet. I was planning to not really pay attention all week, but I don't really think that will last I feel way to out of wack from yesterday, plus I don't really want that much of a back slide. There is no way I ever want to see those 32lbs ever again. Having been informed that pictures are going to be key to this blog, here's one.

















Clearly a before and after, however, it's from like a month ago, I think I've dropped something like 10lbs since that was taken, I will have to work on taking another one slash I will have to work on taking some more frequently. Thoughts on how frequently? Every Friday? Every 5 lbs? You all tell me what you want to see.

So where do I go from here? Well my key dates are my trip to Vegas mid June and Peter's wedding in early August. I would like to have lost another 10 by Vegas and would LOVE to be somewhere close to 30 for the wedding. So that's my inspiration, well that and making sure my mom doesn't win round 2; can't have that can we? (I can here her saying "you're such a brat" in my head right now)

So I believe this maiden post has gotten long enough, now it's up to you to tell me what you really want read about on here, the foods I find that are amazing, the workouts, the workout music, the holy crap am I thin yet moments?

Think Thin!
Jenny