Wednesday, June 24, 2009

It;'s time to get neurotic again

I am a slacker, I admit it.

I made this great push with round 1, did great, and now I'm doing nothing. I'm not gaining the weight back, but I'm also not losing weight. I am frustrated with myself. I know I can do it if I just buckle down, but I have had so much else going on that I haven't made it a priority, and I know I should and that I need to. Traveling and boys and being sick are just excuses, and I can't keep making them.

So here are my resolutions:

1) I will put EVERYTHING in - If I can get obsessive about entering things in again I will eat better.

2) I will work out at least 5 days a week.

3) I will not beat myself up about feeling like a cow, I will just work harder.

4) If I have to obsess about how weird boys are, the treadmill is the perfect place to do it.

5) I will not stress/emotional eat.

6) No more desserts, except for cake on my birthday.

7) I will start doing yoga again, I miss being bendy.

Monday, June 8, 2009

My Longest Relationship

As the people in my life come and go, my relationship with food has been a constant. I know it needs to change, but old habits die hard.

I know I use food as a crutch, as something to quell the anxiety. Maybe it's becuase food is always the same, and there is something comforting about that. A taco is a taco, and it will continue to be a taco, smothered in guacamole goodness. It will always bring me a moment of joy no matter how crazy life gets. On a bad day when nothing is going my way and I have to pick between a salad that is good for me or a taco I know I love, I go to the taco every time. I wish I was one of those people who turn to exercise when stressed or frustrated, those people that have a bad day and can just run it off, instead I turn to food. This has to change, it's not the right attitude to have.

Everything I read says to think of food as fuel for your body, and that's it. That mentality handles the emotional eating, but I feel like this disregards the social aspect of eating though, because that is another whole issue. Dates, friends, even business meetings, all seem to focus around food, going out and getting a meal, socializing over coffee and scones. Often when I "diet" I feel like my social life suffers because I don't want to test my will power by agreeing to eat at places like California Pizza Kitchen where I can see all the yummy pizzas and avocado egg rolls but have to limit myself to a small salad, there is no fun in that. So do I offer to start cooking for everyone? That's a lot of work and can get pricy, plus I hate doing dishes.

So where does this leave me? I have no idea, I know I need to change, but I'm not in love with the solution yet.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Who's idea was this?

And why is typing to very hard?

I am a wreck, I very clearly need more sleep than this. This weekend was kind of epic in a number of ways, including epic diet/work out fail. I don't think strawberry sangira and seven layer dip are on the list of foods to eat if you want to lose weight, but they are oh so tasty. There was also very little sleeping this weekend which has me all screwed up. Then there is the fact that someone, I don't think it was me, decided that swimming at 6 AM this morning was a good idea, so good in fact that we are going to try to do it for the rest of the summer. Here's hoping 6 AM becomes a less painful time, somehow I don't think it will.

I've been having a hard time getting back on the diet horse. I have one excuse after another, oh I'm going on a date, oh we're having a BBQ, oh Dan's coming to town just to get burgers; I need to stop making excuses and just suck it up and utilize a little will power.